my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize