We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
