Cold hands, warm shart.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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