i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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