The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
