My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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