My underwear smells like fireworks.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
