We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
