i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
