I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
