Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize