Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
