Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
