Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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