Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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