We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
