batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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