May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
