Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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