Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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