i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
