Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
