just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
