So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
