please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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