Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
