She said her name was "party"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
two words: eviction party
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
