I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
