I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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