I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
