the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do herpes really smell.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
