I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
