i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
