imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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