He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
