i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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