yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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