I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
