oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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