Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
