i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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