thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
