and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
