Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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