wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
