grandma shit on top of the toilet
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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