That's intense
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
