Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
