I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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