i just wanna soil my oats bro
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize