id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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