You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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