i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize