Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
