I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
3pm strippers are depressing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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