Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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