no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
