i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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