Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
