omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
