you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
