My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were destined to go to rehab together
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
