my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
