I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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