this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize