I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
