he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
