I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
