The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
