yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My bed smells like the plague
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
