exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
