I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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