please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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