Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
