You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There r osticjed everywhere
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
