The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
