I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
