The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
