I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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