She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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