Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Walk of Shame today included voting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
